A paper from my Passion & Reasoning class.

Conditions of Love : Book Review

As we begin, everything lacks definition. Contrast and tone are all we know. An expansion of time brings forth form and color. Everything seen is situated on a flat plain. It is not until movement is introduced that the third dimension can be recognized. The reality which we have come to know, an amalgam with the rest of the senses bind us to the way we understand our environment. It is not until we view a reflection of oneself that we are then able to become self aware. Though just because we are aware of how we cohere together does not mean that we are self-conscious.

Conditions of Love, by John Armstrong, portrays the philosophical analysis of love's challenges. It aims for the achievement of developing a mature conception of what love truly is and an understanding that ultimately lends to the nurturing of awareness. A relatively daunting task, asking to look within oneself for the answers.

Looking into a mirror, we admire ourselves, because it is a part of ourselves we are inherently disconnected with. We are viewing ourselves as another person would. When we are away from a mirror we often find it difficult to picture oneself in the minds eye. In fact, we often end up only visualizing overly simplified facial features when we emote. This is why we can relate so much to the iconic image of the smiley face. "When we think of ourselves, usually we do not think so much in terms of this or that character trait but of an imprecise and elusive individuality." (p.49)

Each of us live in our own realities. Reality is defined as the collaboration of commonalities that we all share, though we all experience these commonalities differently from one another. However, there is a risk in over generalizing what is expected. It is only when in the presence of others that we truly know ourselves. We surround ourselves with company to gauge the fabric of what makes us up. While at the same time, it's our defunct correlation between personal perceptions that makes us feel so lonely. "This is a key source of the feeling of isolation that can sweep over us; the sense that we live surrounded by others but alone inside ourselves."(p.50) We can only hope that one day we'll be able to share merely an essence of our personality with another. That someone will absorb and take part with us in our interpretation of earthly concerns.

"in self-consciousness, we grasp our personality as a whole; we think of ourselves as being a particular type of person."(p.57) Despite how much we think we are in control of ourselves at all times, there is a certain level of bodily functions that are subconscious. Our heart beats, our lungs inhale and exhale, and on a deeper more frightening level, our limbs move without our brain consciously telling them to do so. The same can be attributed to the irrational passions of love. "It is not up to us whether or not we fall in love, nor with whom; it happens, whether or not it corresponds to our wishes."(p.84) It's how we deal with it, using the knowledge that we've gained up until that point, that determines how well are relationships will work out.

On the road to self-consciousness, we must learn to be forgiving. To excuse our partners for the things they have wronged in us. Let bygones be bygones. It takes maturity to understand the many facets of your partner, but one must also be able to forgive themselves. One of the most admirable qualities is the ability to let go of one's own past mistakes in attempt to better one's future, rather then to dwell on things that have ceased to exist.

Accidental Asshole

Lately, I haven't really been the best I've wanted to be. I've hurt someone, broken promises, made excuses, acted upon blind emotion. It only seems fitting and terribly ironic, that my summer philosophy course, the one I've been forgetting the name of, was about passion and reasoning. An added face palm of icing to a cake I'd already hadn't been able to swallow. It's like some part of my brain had subconsciously shut off to just plain avoid the subject. They say you don't really know yourself until you're around others, and I'm not really happy with who I've come to know. This class is both insightful and stingingly relatable. Hoping it'll help rebuild the bonds I once had.

Due to the condensed nature of my summer classes though, I've been able to keep busy and avoid being weighed down by my emotions. It also feels good knowing that I've already completed about a week and a half's worth of work in the spanned of only 3 days. I'm also thinking about taking the screen printing class down at the Vera Project. Their dates fit perfectly into my schedule and it's a trait I've been wanting to learn for a while now. Exciting, I know.

I also plan on posting some creative writing pieces on here, so that it's not just my moaning and groaning. Stick tuned!

It'll Be Okay

We all know who you are, you frightful beast. Those words you spew, that past you chew. Kept in your cage, I fed you night and day. Roles reversed, you became a curse that festered and grew, until the worst. You're built from regret and all those wrongs done. Birthed from such a promising past, scattered, shattered glass. Couldn't let go, a pack-rat of worthless dirt. King on a hill of bottomless worth. One day, you broke free, like garbage rejecting through skin. Puss that formed a mask, a cask, that apologetic task. Your value was proven. Your scars were shown. No one to lick the open wounds, the world moved on. Without a purpose to serve, the guise receded. My guard distinguished. Feelings depleted.

Heart still yearning, but the sorrow, resolved. A numbness sets in to fill the void.

Unsure, is it okay, being neither happy or sad?

(wavering hands)

I don't know, but I think it will be.

The Irezumi Dilemma

So, I've reached a bit of a dilemma guys.

Tattoos have always been a weird thing for me. In the past, I've always had a hard time deciding on what I would get imprinted onto my skin. My mind would always be changing and I could never really stick to one idea without being able to talk myself out of it. Of course, I was also a lot more reserved back then. Since, I've been a lot more lackadaisical about my decision making process and have been able to come up with a design that I believe I'd be happy having ingrained in me for life. I've even gone so far as to plan on getting it done this summer break. This is where a new challenge has arrived.

Being an American who will be working in the art/design world, I have no problems with getting tattoos, in fact it is almost something that is expected. The problem is I'm also half Nipponese. My family was planning a trip to Japan later this summer and it's common knowledge amongst the folk there that tattoos are, for the most part, a taboo. In their history, tattoos have played a major part in marking criminals and are associated with that of the Yakuza. Now, tattooing has been legal in Japan since WWII, but it still holds a strong social stigma till this day. Unless you live in one of the bigger cities, having a visible tattoo is a no-no.

The fact that having a tattoo is taboo is not going to stop me from getting one. The problem is that the tattoos I want would be located on my outer wrists. In most cases, this could easily be avoided by dawning a long sleeved tshirt. However, during the time of year that I'll be visiting, temps will reach the 100s and the humidity will be thick enough to slice with a butter knife. You sweat simply by doing nothing. Wearing any more then you have to is pretty much out of the question.

Basically, the choices are either; wait till after I get back from Japan to get my ink, or be forced to wear wrist bands the entire time I'm there. I'd really would like not to have to wait that long, but it looks like I may very well have to.

Corporeal Response

Went to my schools BFA show after work the other day and was very impressed by the quality of the design portion this year(though, I still need to go check the Fine Arts half sometime). A ton better then last years show, and I can only hope my year's will only be even better. It also really got me thinking about my thesis idea again.

Originally, I had wanted to do it on using illusions in design, but looking back it really seems like it would only be a surfacy venture. Not that I'm not thinking of using it, just that the idea by itself didn't seem very fleshed out to me. I've also had a strange fascination, over the last year, with trying to animate without having to use a computer, through methods such as a kinetic sculpture of sorts. I guess, both of these ideas have kinda been floating around in my head for a while, but never really found a way to make them click together. Then I thought, "why not just combine them?"

At the core of both, they seem to be getting at the idea of the observer having to interact with the design within a physical space to get the message or function out of it. I don't have any qualms with traditional graphic design, but I sometimes feel that it gets stuck within its own medium, whether it's on a computer screen or a piece of paper. It never truly effects the observer. More often then not, it just becomes another piece of information muddled together with the rest of the average days worth of stimuli. Sure, they may comprehend and store that information, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they'll act upon it.

This is where my theory comes into play. If design was created so that it forces the user to physically interact with it, in ways that then effects the users environment and how he moves within it, that the design's message will resinate that much more clearly. In doing so, it gives the user an understanding and view point of its subject matter that can only be achieved through an interactive, personal experience.

So, pretty much that's all I've got so far(other then an idea for building a chair with kinetic robot legs). This will be that starting point on which I will build upon next year when I start my second to last semester.

All of a sudden, the end seems to be coming so fast! (I'm excited, you should be to)


p.s. If you were one of the special few who read my last post that I deleted, please ignore it. That's what happens when my heads not totally in order.

A Rock Opera

Brain's been a little messy lately, needed a bit of a break.

Re-listening to this album a lot recently.
A pretty good musical for a bunch of punk artists.

Latched Doors

Have you ever overreacted and really wish you hadn't? It's not like you can ever take it back, you've already broken the trust of the other party. No matter how much you didn't mean it or how you misinterpreted something. "Sorry" ends up not being enough, it just becomes a word that is equated to false promises. Even when you really try, even when you really mean it.

Really, you're just trying to be the best you you can be, trying to live your own life, be honest, have confidence in yourself, in your own work. But sometimes, if you have an overactive imagination and are in the wrong mood you'll find there is a beast inside you ready to spout out all your fears.

You never wanted to be this way and you're always making improvements to be better, and in some ways you've changed, but every once in a while you trip the latch that's holding the door shut and you find that you're looking at yourself from the outside.

Infinite Loops

Having survived my third cycle of college, with the stressful bonds of academia severed, I am filled with excitement and rife with ideas for what to do with my free time, yet for some reason I can't seem to shake off this looming frustration that has been ailing me.

Looking down at my hands and questioning the sky, I find my limited knowledge is not substantial enough to grasp the answers to my worries. I usually hit this wall, of being unable to obtain, in the middle of the night when my hands run out of things to do and my mind keeps wondering. By nature, I've been known to over think things. I believe this is why I'm good at design. Though, in situations like these I wish I could just switch it off instead of trapping myself in infinite loops.

When being in the same city never felt further apart. Why? The answer is hard to obtained when the question itself is a mood killer. It's not like it's easy to make contact when the replies are delayed. In it's wake, the fear of being overbearing. To be ignored hurts a billion times more then being told off. Hard work without recognition. My jealousy. All this passive aggressive bullshit. Not being able to celebrate. Feelings I can't avoid.

To what extent, am I supposed to wait for time? All my quarries are immediate, but the answers come at a snails pace. Perhaps there is another reason, another way. Maybe this is unavoidable. I'm unsure of what I'm doing, but it's all that I can do.

New Name, New Game.

So, I've decided to reboot this blog and put it to good use. I'll mainly be using this as a port for working out the kinks in my head as well as any other thoughts or ideas that don't necessarily seem to fit in my other blogs. Pretty much just me babbling.

If none of this really interests you at all(and I wouldn't blame ya) and you'd rather just view similar stuff like what I've posted previously, please feel free to visit the links below.

If you're looking for more of my design and art work, go here:

The Iron Staple

If you want to see where I get my inspiration or things I just dig, go here:

Pencil Eater

Otherwise, prepare for a very new and different type of blog.

Exquisite Corpse Animation

My section of a group of animations that lead into one another through the foundation of a circle.

Back to Finals!

Rise From The Dead!

More school work. One of many logo design ideas I concocted for an Independent Health Care Consultant - blah blah blah blah - most boring guy in the world. This is the result of him picking the least inspiring of all my ideas and since it's not a real paying job I decided to make it a portfolio piece instead. I spent the most time on this one as well and was done mostly to keep my own sanity.

I'm getting tired of posting my uninteresting school work and want to get back to posting more of the art works. So this is pretty much just to show I'm still alive and breathing. (And I kinda also really enjoyed the script work on this one.)

Sit tight, there's a personal piece in the works.

Hoover Buster

Another Illustration in the Market piece.
Using Illustration with images to make an advert.

I had a lot of fun making this one. Enjoy.
Back to class I go.

All-Nighter Strikes Again!

For my Illustration in the Market class.
The assignment was to illustrate an article's title based on its contents.

Now it's time to crash... zzz.

Character Designs (ver.2)

Same characters from last time but adding mental illnesses abstractly.

^feet fail^

Fregoli Delusion
- a person holds a delusional belief that different people are in fact a single person who changes appearance or is in disguise.

Pica
- characterized by an appetite for substances largely non-nutritive or an abnormal appetite for some things that may be considered foods, such as food ingredients.

Selective Mutsim
- a person, most often a child, who is normally capable of speech is unable to speak in given situations, or to specific people.

Dino Dreams

Dreams can be fun to draw, even when they aren't yours. :)

Character Designs (ver.1)

For my Advanced Storytelling class.
Based on smells and abstractions of the people that are related to them.

Girl at the Bus Station

...she had really long hair.

Unattainable

What is usually an ordinary occurrence of catching myself out of the corner of my eye in the reflection of an old television, today is now an infatuation. Staring endlessly into the drowning pool of sleeping pixels. Not the type of tiny square pixels used in modern day high definition displays, but the large rectangular ones in those that actually have a glass tube inside with a curved viewing surface. Just another one of those useless pieces of design trivia taught to us in art school. Of course none of that is important, for the thing I'm focusing on is the reflection itself, a fuzzy mirror image in shades of gray. Focusing in on the reflection of my position hard, enough so that I actually throw my sight out of focus. I continue to do this long enough until my view turns into one continuous plain of gray. At first its slightly unsettling watching your face melt away, seeing the parts with light shining on them slowly grow smaller until finally they disappear. Soon after, however, this feeling is over as my body is fully drenched in the emptiness, replaced with a grayish blob that starts eating away at the rest of my surroundings. At this point I relax knowing I've gotten rid of myself. Though, once everything turns to gray my eyes instantly snap back into focus as if being pulling back from a point of no return. A thought occurs to me and I wonder if there is anything past this point, a secret something I can't quite see or am not supposed to see. I try several more times, but to no avail. Eventually, I give up and continue with the rest of my day.

The Lone Stump

The other day I saw a plant sitting in someones window that had been overly trimmed. I thought it looked a lot like a mythical creature that had its head loped off. As a result, I started moving my hands in the air unconsciously while imagining it. I quickly noticed and stopped, thinking that maybe I should actually draw it instead of embarrass myself in public. So I did. I even thought of a story for it as well.

These guys are born from the stumps of logged and discard tree trunks. When they grow up they look for the place from where their tree once stood, like a ghost trying to find its way back home. Unfortunately, the places from which they came have usually been clear-cut and bulldozed to make space for housing developments or some fancy new mall. Without a way back, they can sometimes wonder aimlessly for there entire life. All is not lost though, Often they will provide a place for animals to nest within there semi-hollow bodies(like a mobile home) as well as form symbiotic relationships with some of the plant life around them.

They also make a honking noise reminiscent of a didgeridoo.

I'm satisfied with the result, but I'm thinking of re-coloring it using textures at some point.

Feelings

Conceived in darkness, refined in the light, and completed with uncertainty. Since this piece was drawn over multiple sessions and emotions, I won't even go into its detail other then titling it Irrational Feelings.

As of late, I have been feeling a lot of these. My actions to these feelings have been quite irrational as well. I am not proud of the way I've acted and looking back I could have handle them better.

Let this be a reminder to myself to think rational before I jump instead of all the wrong things that lead me into the clusterfucks I've been stumbling into lately.